Bad Poetry Contest Submissions - Group 11

Here is the eleventh set of entries we've received for our SpendOnLife bad poetry contest. Enjoy!

#101 - Untitled

I ain’t a poet
And I know it
But although this isn’t fun
I knew I had to enter this one

My husband can’t stop buying
And he leaves me a crying
He has ran up a lot of bills
Buying a lot of things like computer frills

Oh the creditors keep callin’
At times they get me bawlin’
People want their money
Hubby says "I can’t pay them now, honey"

I know it will be them when the phone rings
More and more bills the mail brings
Visa, Mastercard, Discover too
They say "pay us now or we will sue"

So pick me now I plea
Then I can catch up with BP
I will give some to Penny’s and Sears
Oh yes you would hear my cheers
 

#102 - Untitled

credit credi credit
what does it meant 2 you?

credit credit credit what do I have to do?
I am only 31 and feel as if my life has been thrown away

who set this up?  who created this beast?
who allowed my life to crumble and fall at my feet

I worked hard I went to school
but my mom put her phone in my name...so so not cool

I was only like 10 and didn't have a clue
and my husband oh yeah..his credit was stolen too

so both together we are damaged goods
rummaging through life trying to get out of the woods

the banks got help heck why can't we
just a little we ask not a lot just enough to breathe

its a cycle 7 years is a long time
within that span more accumulates can't find a word to rhyme

credit credit credit the system is so flawed.
the people who have it seem to have it all

the people who don't well we just go through life
trying to get up as we constantly trip and fall,  a constant fight

#103 - Debt Solution

The phone rings and I tremble
I shake and I shiver
When I say hello
My lower lip quivers
 
My caller is loud
And rude and demanding
Asking for money
That I just don’t have handy
 
"You made ‘em," he screams
"You pay ‘em," he shouts
Yes, the bills are my making
Of that, there’s no doubt
 
But with no job and no cash
No, not even a dime
It’s hard to make payments
Like I once did - on time
 
See, it’s not my fault
It’s the economy, dummy
I can’t pay my bills
Without any money
 
But they have no compassion
It’s me that’s to blame
You made ‘em, you pay ‘em
Is their constant refrain
 
So I have a solution
It’s a simple thing
I plug my ears and sing loudly
When the telephone rings

#104 - Drowning in Debt?

Drowning in debt with too many bills?
Let me show you a way to cure your ills.
Take out a huge insurance policy on that nagging wife,
And name yourself as the beneficiary in case she loses her life.
Drive into the water with her securely buckled down,
While under your shirt hides an inflatable life preserver so you won't drown.
Escape through the window you conveniently opened,
But roll it back up as your wife begins her soaking.
Tread water for a while until the deed is done ,
And bury the life preserver before someone comes.
Start crying profusely like a newborn whelp,
So your eyes will be red and swollen as you wave down some help.
Spend the next several weeks feigning much chagrin,
Remembering not to smile 'till your check comes in!

#105 - Untitled

I hate debt.
It smells like wet
feet
I am poor.
I need more
money.
 

#106 - Untitled

I wonder if I shall ever see
something as bad as my credit history.

#107 - No Means

I thought I’d have a job by now
and pay down all my debt

but my plastic balance has risen
and nothing’s paid off yet.

There’s school loans and other bills
not just my credit card.

Why is spending money easy
and earning, oh so hard?

I wish I had a magic wand
to wave the debt away.

But all I have are mounds of bills—
no ready means to pay.

#108 - Remember the Joy

Remember the joy
Lost through pressure and stress
Money, the new survival game
Used to be hunting and gathering
Now it’s the commuter-belt
Money-making is heart felt
Everyone looks the same
Compliant and tame
Only bread winning counts
And nothing less
Be the best
Better than the rest
Competition overpowers
Emotional intelligence
Is laid to rest
More beer
More fags
More personality brags
Gotta keep up
Keep covering up
 

#109 - Indebted Desperado

I'm so in debt, I lost my soul.
I can't even shop so I don't even feel whole.
You know it's bad when
I'm writing a poem to win.
I had to enter this contest cause my friend seen the list She said you'd get money to pay So all those credit card bills won't weigh.
The economy has fallen but it's me in debt, Doing everything, even putting a dollar on a snail race bet.
But wait, I can write the world's worst poem!
I already lost my car, my dog, and my home.
So with luck against me
I can be the worst poem champ.
Right now, I'm even waiting on my food stamps.
So if you're reading this, sorry about your debt.
This contest might even be broke, giving us a bouncing check.
I understand because of these hard times We'll be standing next to each other in the food soup lines.
But I can't understand how I got this way?
If I ever see those credit card people
I'll know what to say:
"Take your credit cards and get outta my sight!"
I'll always remember these times when things have been so tight.
I'll give them a hidden fee and raise my finger!
I gotta go cause there's a another contest for the world's worst singer!

#110 - The Broke Raven

Once upon a payday dreary, while I pondered, broke and weary
Over many a bill and late fee that had left me very poor
Viewing bills with my eyes stinging, suddenly there came a ringing
As of more debt someone bringing, bringing to my mailbox door
“Tis some bill collector,” I cursed, “bringing more debt to my door,
Only this, and bills galore.”
 
Ah, distinctly I remember wanting someone to dismember,
Hope was like a dying ember as my debt grew more and more
And my heart was filled with sorrow, there was no more cash to borrow
I had no hope for tomorrow, no hope for my credit score
For that sinking, shrinking number that I call my credit score
Losing ground for evermore.

Answering the phone at last, some bill collector on full blast,
“Please” I said, “I need some time, a brief extension I implore,
I swear to you and I’m not lying, my finances are so trying,
I will send a payment on my next payday, but not before,
My poor overdraft can’t stand for me to use it anymore.”
Then he huffed, but nothing more.
 
I held my breath as I stood there, and marveled that he didn’t care
Why try to squeeze a turnip when you know that it can’t give you blood
I was trying to be nice, but he had all the warmth of ice
My efforts to relate to him had turned into a total dud,
He had all the patience and the understanding of eye-crud.
 
He had neither charm nor tact, demanding money that I lacked
While I sat abused and angry until I could stand no more.
“Man,” I said, “you are a devil.  Let’s just put it on the level.
I can’t send a dime to you until my payday comes around. 
I am trying but I have to wait til payday rolls around.”
But his words, my protests drowned.

As he kept demanding money, suddenly I found it funny,
So I laughed a belly laugh that seemed to come from out my floor
Putting down the phone receiver, seemingly possessed by fever,
I remembered ‘Spend On Life’, a contest I had seen before,
Now inspired to write a poem such as I’d never writ before.
I need a break, I hope to score.
 
Writing late into the night, my shadow long in this dim light
I hope my poem is good enough to win what I am hoping for.
And for any doubting Thomas, if I win I make this promise,
Credit cards, and quote me on this, I will use them
Nevermore!