Bad Poetry Contest Submissions - Group 15

Here is the fifteenth (and final) set of entries we've received for our SpendOnLife bad poetry contest. Enjoy!

#141 - Minimum Payments

When I am in debt
My words fly straight and free.
In the era of plenty
My thinking’s finagley
And filled with banality.
Too much data in
Clogs the nebulous bin.

When money goes out,
My pockets un-pursed.
The flow of ideas
Will be reimbursed,
A vacuum reversed.
I foresee I’ll die owing,
Life savings not knowing.

I’m living on borrowed
Time, space, and quick energy.
Best that I soon learn
To relinquish my synergy.
I know I appear somewhat silly and splurgy.
But for my own and my children’s sake,
Minimum payments won’t you take?

#142 - Untitled

Free credit report dot com?
If I have credit issues I just call my dad and mom!

They always listen patiently to what I have to say,
Then dad whips out his checkbook and my problems go away…

IF ONLY IT WERE THAT EASY to get out of this mess
You wouldn’t catch me entering this ‘hope-and-prayer’ contest!

#143 - Help!

debt
no cash
times are tough
gotta eat though
club cards, coupons, sales
somehow, is not enough
creditors calling all day
do not call list does not apply
what to do, what to do, what to do...

#144 - Debt Relief Dreamin...(AKA:  Keep me from Screamin!)

$1,000 I'm dreamin of you!
With dollar signs floating in air....
The clock is ticking
the payments are due
I haven't a minute to spare!
 
 I hear the creditors
calling my name -
My phone is ringing
I feel so much shame.
 
Then the thousand dollars
falls from the sky,
I reach out to grab it
....start wondering "Why"?
 
....and then I remember
the Contest I entered!
I awaken to find it is true!
Oh What A Blessing! 
I begin to shout!
Thank you SpendOnLife
for helping me out!

#145 - Declined Potato Chips

From Amex to ConEd and Banks from Timbuktu
The bills keep coming and coming,
They keep seeping through
Causing so much chaos
That my bank's balance is long overdue

Just the other day,
while trying to get a couple of things,
I had a minor incident, the oddest of scenes
The store attendant smiled and simply shook her head.
"It's been declined," she said, after reswiping again and again
I gasped at the comment and scanned through my purse
Telling myself that this must be a curse
My little one pulling on the side of shirt
Begging for the potato chips that I promised at first
Too embarrassed was I, that I stepped to the side
Let the others that were waiting patiently by...
I tried to remember from earlier in the day
The numbers listed on the ATM machine.

I pretended to make a phone call or two
But I barely had minutes for also that too
When it seemed the people had left the store
I apologized to the attendant for being such a sore
She said not to worry, gave my daughter the chips
I vowed to myself not to let this one slip

My finances will be in order
By the end of this year
I vow to make this happen
On all of my past due balances and credit arrears.

#146 - Sammy the Red-Faced National Debt

You know Merril and Morgan
And Goldman and Wells,
Fannie and Freddy
and Sallie & Citi...
But do you recall
The most famous TRILLION of all?

Sammy the Red-Faced National Debt
(Deficit)
Had a very long list of earmarks
(full of pork barrels)
And if you ever saw it
(saw it)
You would even say it glows (with shame)
(like a Times Square national debt clock that ran out of digits)
All of the other bad debts
(bad bad bad bad loans!)
Used to laugh and call him names
and accept "his" bail outs
(I'm talking to you Wall Street)
They never let poor Sammy
(Uncle, uncle!)
enjoy a peace dividend
(or even meaningful reform)

You know Barclays and Bank of America
And MBNA and Smith Barney,
Deutsche Bank & Credit Suisse
And Dollar Bank and Wachovia...
But do you recall
The most famous trillion of all?

Sammy the Red-Faced National Debt
(paying taxes is for the rubes!)
Had a very shiny nose
(like a Times Square national debt clock that ran out of digits)
And if you ever saw it
(saw it)
You would even say it glows (with shame)
(like a Times Square national debt clock that ran out of digits)
All of the other elite financial institutions
(elite financial institutions)
Used to laugh and call him names
(Sucker!)
They never let poor Sammy
(Uncle Sammy)
Play in any reindeer games
(like Monopoly)

Then one foggy bipartisan effort later,
Reality came to say
(Ho Ho Ho)
Sammy with your nose so bright
Won't you guide my budget tonight?
Then all the elite financial institutions loved him
(loved him)
And they shouted out with glee
(yippee)
Sammy the Red-Faced National Debt
(national debt)
You'll go down in history!"
(like the Titanic)

#147 - Limerick for the Meltdown

The financial bank institutions
Offered some credit solutions
We all took the bait
And submitted to fate
And now we all seek absolutions.

#148 - Untitled

had to sell my 2007 honda accord with the power moonroof had to shave with 4 blade razor cartridges instead of 5 blade razor cartridges had to trade my cigars for starburst had to eat pizza with no delicious toppings instead of pizza with a wide array of delicious toppings had to get silver-colored dental fillings instead of white-colored dental fillings had to move in to my parent's basement had to kill my parents had to take a chance on lottery tickets had to take another chance on lottery tickets had to take another chance on lottery tickets had to stop buying lottery tickets had to cancel hbo had to cancel showtime had to cancel cinemax had to take the bus had to grow my own vegetables had to order the early bird special had to stiff the waitress had to feel guilty about stiffing the waitress had to go back and tip the waitress, pretending i just forgot to tip the waitress when in fact i had stiffed the waitress had to enter this contest had to buy store-brand ice cream had to choose the default color instead of the special extra-cost color had to wear socks and underwear with holes in 'em had to take a chance on lottery tickets had to take another chance on lottery tickets had to take another chance on lottery tickets had to stop buying lottery tickets had to watch a 36 inch high definition lcd television instead of a 50 inch high definition lcd television had to exceed the manufacturer-recommended service interval on my automobile had to exceed the veterinarian-recommended service interval on my cat had to eat my cat's food had to give away my cat had to settle for an aluminum frame bicycle instead of a carbon fiber frame bicycle had to settle for the 2 gb thumb drive instead of the 4 gb thumb drive had to get cheap haircuts had to cut supermarket coupons had to cut down on cell phone calls had to cut down on drinking had to drink cheap beers from cans instead of microbrews from bottles had to drink wines lacking in complexity and favorable aroma had to drink vodka from brands i am not entirely familiar or comfortable with had to drink more than ever before had to shop at ikea had to purchase simple inexpensive caskets for my dead parents whom i killed earlier in this bad poem instead of fancy expensive caskets for my dead parents whom i killed earlier in this bad poem had to fly economy had to drive on bald tires had to enter this contest i've said that

#149 - Debt: A Sonnet of Despair

The lure of entrepreneurship shined so bright and suckered us in to dreams of great success.
We opened the store and stocked to great delight, buying on credit, and when the sales were less than we had hoped, the bills were paid by card.
Electric, rent, the taxes, our meals and meds all charged. No way to save. The times were hard.
Sales dropped off. Our bottom line was red.
One thing and another, the store was closed.
No income at all then, we’re destitute.
Applied for aid. On family imposed.
Applied for jobs, most anything would suit.

A part-time job appeared, a ray of hope.
A little money in helped us to cope.

#150 - Untitled

Here I sit
Bills in hand
Money's been spent
I must take a stand
 
Call the banks
Call the credit card companies too
Responsibility sucks
I'm feeling blue
 
Learn a lesson
Pay the bills
Step up to the plate
Forget the frills