Bad Poetry Contest Submissions - Group 6
Posted August 25th, 2009 by Ashley Baxter
Consider Vincent Van Gogh please;
If for credit he’d had to beg
Instead of cutting off an ear
T’would be an arm and leg!
Or if DeVinci had a credit line
More than any other sculptor’s?
Napoleon and dear old Wellington
Could have fought in helicopters!
Here is the sixth set of entries we've received for our SpendOnLife bad poetry contest. Enjoy!
#51 - a sunny outlook
credit card bills mount
so does the cost of my house
smiles wipe away debt
#52 - The Science of Debt
trade my principles
to lower the principal
the lab pays me cash
to lower the principal
the lab pays me cash
#53 - Untitled
"Master your life!" –That’s how they reel you in;
Just sign on the line, it’s as easy as sin.
"Discover" yourself a whole new source
Of funding for cars, houses, even a horse;
If you look ‘round and your life is no longer in style,
You simply say "Charge it" and let the cash pile…
You never en"Visa"ge a day when it stops,
When your credit increases at last hit their tops—
Only then do you realize, it’s not worth a lick
Unless you can pay it off all really quick:
If you send out small payments, a nickel, a dime,
A sawbuck, a fifty, spread out over time,
You’re sunk in a mire, the ape’s on your back;
You’re shackled in a way you’ll never un-shack.
The joke’s on you for "buying in" to the scheme,
You find out the hard way it’s not what it seems;
‘Cuz no matter if platinum, silver, or gold,
That debt’s got YOU mastered now, and will ‘til you’re old!
Just sign on the line, it’s as easy as sin.
"Discover" yourself a whole new source
Of funding for cars, houses, even a horse;
If you look ‘round and your life is no longer in style,
You simply say "Charge it" and let the cash pile…
You never en"Visa"ge a day when it stops,
When your credit increases at last hit their tops—
Only then do you realize, it’s not worth a lick
Unless you can pay it off all really quick:
If you send out small payments, a nickel, a dime,
A sawbuck, a fifty, spread out over time,
You’re sunk in a mire, the ape’s on your back;
You’re shackled in a way you’ll never un-shack.
The joke’s on you for "buying in" to the scheme,
You find out the hard way it’s not what it seems;
‘Cuz no matter if platinum, silver, or gold,
That debt’s got YOU mastered now, and will ‘til you’re old!
#54 - My Magic Card
My magic card
With just a scan,
I’m on my way
To exotic Japan.
My magic card
With just a swipe,
I’m the owner of a
Lexus tailpipe.
My magic card
With its black stripe
I can buy shoes of
Every color and type.
My magic card
Got cut in two
When all my bills
Were overdue.
With just a scan,
I’m on my way
To exotic Japan.
My magic card
With just a swipe,
I’m the owner of a
Lexus tailpipe.
My magic card
With its black stripe
I can buy shoes of
Every color and type.
My magic card
Got cut in two
When all my bills
Were overdue.
#55 - Credit Relief Ad
Sorry my grammar be so bad
But my debt took my money now I'm sad
I can't afford no education so my poem's not rad
It's all my own fault and it makes me mad
I spent all my money on some trendy fad
Now I look like a fool to my mom and dad
If only you could help, maybe just a tad
I could pay for school books and become a grad
With a thousand bucks I'd be so glad
I could finally ignore the next credit relief ad!
But my debt took my money now I'm sad
I can't afford no education so my poem's not rad
It's all my own fault and it makes me mad
I spent all my money on some trendy fad
Now I look like a fool to my mom and dad
If only you could help, maybe just a tad
I could pay for school books and become a grad
With a thousand bucks I'd be so glad
I could finally ignore the next credit relief ad!
#56 - NO WHEEL…BUT A GREAT DEAL!
How would it be if ancient man
Had felt a different zeal?
And created credit cards of stone
Instead of the first wheel?
Had felt a different zeal?
And created credit cards of stone
Instead of the first wheel?
Tis a very different world we’d have
Ours futures would be grooved;
If the ancients could have seen the words
‘You have been approved’!
History would be warped and changed
Just how? Well here’s a hint;
Plato could have told us all
To ‘check the finer print’!
Ours futures would be grooved;
If the ancients could have seen the words
‘You have been approved’!
History would be warped and changed
Just how? Well here’s a hint;
Plato could have told us all
To ‘check the finer print’!
If Cleo chose by credit scores
Her men, then poor old Caesar
Would have had to max his platinum card
In order just to please her.
And what about the fellow Nero
Who fiddled while Rome burned?
He could have hired a back-up band
From the points his card had earned.
Her men, then poor old Caesar
Would have had to max his platinum card
In order just to please her.
And what about the fellow Nero
Who fiddled while Rome burned?
He could have hired a back-up band
From the points his card had earned.
Marco Polo was the curious man
Who traveled to Cathay.
Yet if his card had passed its limit
He’d been stuck in old Bombay.
Instead he simply used some cash
For round trip he was ready;
And the shared with dear old Italy
The gift of great spaghetti.
Who traveled to Cathay.
Yet if his card had passed its limit
He’d been stuck in old Bombay.
Instead he simply used some cash
For round trip he was ready;
And the shared with dear old Italy
The gift of great spaghetti.
Columbus approached the Spanish Crown
For his wallet needed fattenin’.
But if he’d had a platinum card
Mexico could be speaking Latin.
Instead he promptly brought the Crown
Treasure like no other.
One tends to ask ‘What card he’d use’?
Maybe Visa or Discover?
For his wallet needed fattenin’.
But if he’d had a platinum card
Mexico could be speaking Latin.
Instead he promptly brought the Crown
Treasure like no other.
One tends to ask ‘What card he’d use’?
Maybe Visa or Discover?
The Sistine Chapel has quite a dome
It’s story never ending.
But what if Michelangelo
Had no ceiling on his spending?
The walls he could have covered
Even the columns if his whim
With beautiful colored visions
Of those chubby Cherubim.
It’s story never ending.
But what if Michelangelo
Had no ceiling on his spending?
The walls he could have covered
Even the columns if his whim
With beautiful colored visions
Of those chubby Cherubim.
Invention of the printing press
Was such a major step.
But would our friend old Guttenberg
Have had a different rep?
Instead of printing scores of bibles
To be read by all the masses
Could the people of the Renaissance
Had statements shoved up their…?
Was such a major step.
But would our friend old Guttenberg
Have had a different rep?
Instead of printing scores of bibles
To be read by all the masses
Could the people of the Renaissance
Had statements shoved up their…?
Consider Vincent Van Gogh please;
If for credit he’d had to beg
Instead of cutting off an ear
T’would be an arm and leg!
Or if DeVinci had a credit line
More than any other sculptor’s?
Napoleon and dear old Wellington
Could have fought in helicopters!
Pirates plied their evil trade
Taking treasure from boats they sank.
They could have gotten just as rich
By working at a bank!
There’d be no threats to walk the plank
For words would work just fine;
“We’ll raise the stinkin’ rate they pay”
“From nine to twenty-nine”!
Taking treasure from boats they sank.
They could have gotten just as rich
By working at a bank!
There’d be no threats to walk the plank
For words would work just fine;
“We’ll raise the stinkin’ rate they pay”
“From nine to twenty-nine”!
If at the mercy of the banks
And no money to be found
Could the genius of the brothers Wright
Got their airplane off the ground?
Could Harry Houdini have escaped
From the monthly payment dread?
Francis Scott Key might have changed his words
“Oh say…can you save” instead?
And no money to be found
Could the genius of the brothers Wright
Got their airplane off the ground?
Could Harry Houdini have escaped
From the monthly payment dread?
Francis Scott Key might have changed his words
“Oh say…can you save” instead?
And what about our treasured words?
Quotes of fame were handed down
Their meaning changed for evermore
If credit turned them round.
“When the going gets tough” has always been
Inspiration for the guys.
Now would the second line have been
“The credit rates will rise”?
Quotes of fame were handed down
Their meaning changed for evermore
If credit turned them round.
“When the going gets tough” has always been
Inspiration for the guys.
Now would the second line have been
“The credit rates will rise”?
Patrick Henry may have changed his plea
“Give me liberty from incessant fleecing”.
Mr. Churchill may have given us
“… nothing to fear but rates increasing”!
And could dear old Albert Einstein
Have changed his theory by a yard?
‘E’ would mean exasperation
And ‘MC2’ stand for Master Card!
“Give me liberty from incessant fleecing”.
Mr. Churchill may have given us
“… nothing to fear but rates increasing”!
And could dear old Albert Einstein
Have changed his theory by a yard?
‘E’ would mean exasperation
And ‘MC2’ stand for Master Card!
Literature would be altered dearly
Different books upon the shelves;
If Romeo and Juliet had credit cards
They could have saved themselves.
A talking bird was brought to us
By Poe who wrote of fates;
But if credit woes had grabbed the man
Quote the raven…“Lower rates”?
Different books upon the shelves;
If Romeo and Juliet had credit cards
They could have saved themselves.
A talking bird was brought to us
By Poe who wrote of fates;
But if credit woes had grabbed the man
Quote the raven…“Lower rates”?
The handsome prince in fairytales
Saves the princess from disaster.
If they had held some credit cards
Would they live happily ever after?
Dear Mother Goose would not be spared
For we would know, heaven forbid
How the Little Old Lady In The Shoe
Could afford all of those kids!
Saves the princess from disaster.
If they had held some credit cards
Would they live happily ever after?
Dear Mother Goose would not be spared
For we would know, heaven forbid
How the Little Old Lady In The Shoe
Could afford all of those kids!
Famous places names could alter
Now there would be a rub!
Would Washington be named ‘Visaville’
Or Paris ‘City Le Diner’s Club’?
And what of historic people’s names?
How would they be marred?
Would the world famous Buffalo Bill
Become Buffalo Platinum Card?
Now there would be a rub!
Would Washington be named ‘Visaville’
Or Paris ‘City Le Diner’s Club’?
And what of historic people’s names?
How would they be marred?
Would the world famous Buffalo Bill
Become Buffalo Platinum Card?
One thing’s for sure, these credit cards…
The plastic that we’re hatin’
Were forged within the fires of hell
A gift to us from Satan!
Hitler does administration,
Collection’s done by Stalin,
Sadam handles paperwork;
No chance these rates are fallin!
The plastic that we’re hatin’
Were forged within the fires of hell
A gift to us from Satan!
Hitler does administration,
Collection’s done by Stalin,
Sadam handles paperwork;
No chance these rates are fallin!
“Easy payments”…“Same as cash”
Temptation is so splendid.
Before you know, you’ve sold your soul
Any chance for freedom ended!
If you don’t pay, they take your house
Or you may go to jail;
But I guarantee next day you’ll find
More offers in the mail!
Temptation is so splendid.
Before you know, you’ve sold your soul
Any chance for freedom ended!
If you don’t pay, they take your house
Or you may go to jail;
But I guarantee next day you’ll find
More offers in the mail!
#57 - Will MasterCard Still Love Me?
“Twelve Thousand dollars”, says the lawyer to me.
“What? Will you repeat that”, I say.
“What will you do for this fee”?
“I will draft many papers
And ignore your phone calls.
I will be at the golf course
Just hitting some balls”!
Granddaughter is two and should be home in her bed
But her mother has taken her
“I’ll be back soon”, she said.
But she didn’t come back
And across state lines she goes,
Causing the family much grief
And a bucket of woes!
The lawyer, he tells me,
“Just give me that card.
0D
We’ll have her back in a jiffy,
Playing in her backyard”.
And within two month time
With her father she flies,
Back home in his arms;
Her sight never leaving his eyes.
While MasterCard loves me
And I’m glad they were there,
She is worth every penny
But now my pocket is bare!
With a job lost last year
And another not yet found.
Will MasterCard still love me
While we wait for a recession rebound?
“What? Will you repeat that”, I say.
“What will you do for this fee”?
“I will draft many papers
And ignore your phone calls.
I will be at the golf course
Just hitting some balls”!
Granddaughter is two and should be home in her bed
But her mother has taken her
“I’ll be back soon”, she said.
But she didn’t come back
And across state lines she goes,
Causing the family much grief
And a bucket of woes!
The lawyer, he tells me,
“Just give me that card.
0D
We’ll have her back in a jiffy,
Playing in her backyard”.
And within two month time
With her father she flies,
Back home in his arms;
Her sight never leaving his eyes.
While MasterCard loves me
And I’m glad they were there,
She is worth every penny
But now my pocket is bare!
With a job lost last year
And another not yet found.
Will MasterCard still love me
While we wait for a recession rebound?
#58 - Charging with Credit
Visa, Discover, American Express
“Open a charge?”, I always said yes
Groceries and gas and I’ll take two of those, please
Charging with credit sure was a breeze.
“Open a charge?”, I always said yes
Groceries and gas and I’ll take two of those, please
Charging with credit sure was a breeze.
New shoes and a dress and a night on the town
Did you know you can also charge a tooth crown?
Or a mouthful of them, the dentist takes plastic
Charging with credit was truly fantastic
Did you know you can also charge a tooth crown?
Or a mouthful of them, the dentist takes plastic
Charging with credit was truly fantastic
I racked up the debt, my limit was high
Apply for another so I could continue to buy
Transfer the balance to a low interest rate
Charging with credit was really great
Apply for another so I could continue to buy
Transfer the balance to a low interest rate
Charging with credit was really great
Late payments and fees and I’m over the limit
Applied for a loan and now I can’t get it
Paying the piper takes all that I make
Charging with credit gave me a headache.
Applied for a loan and now I can’t get it
Paying the piper takes all that I make
Charging with credit gave me a headache.
The phone calls are coming, to answer is dread
Because I charged & I charged without using my head
Just paying each one takes up my whole paycheck
Charging with credit is a pain in the neck.
Because I charged & I charged without using my head
Just paying each one takes up my whole paycheck
Charging with credit is a pain in the neck.
#59 - Boondoggles of Debt: A Contemporary Lament (by Channie G.)
The wisdom in counselors’ fingers and in the heads of "true, good friends,"
Thwarted none of my fiduciary demons, despite the funds they marked to lend.
Whether consolidating or purely weighing just how big my gap might be,
There were no forthcoming greenback pulchritudes, from them, for now, for little me.
Although I’ve limned the applications of new bank cards of many hues,
Notwithstanding my high credit ratings, I’ve exhausted my long list of "things to do."
Calls to parents, pleas to bosses, even fresh restrictions on the kids’ pocket money,
Yielded no further losses, but, likewise, gleaned no bonus, tendered honey.
Sometimes, I’ve "won" by scoring some antique-like rates redolent of the 1920s.
Other times, my liquid fortune brought me none, gifted me with no endeavors yielding plenty.
Given personal, multiple work shifts plus free-lancing which makes me bleary,
And given that my rift persists, it’s no wonder the entire mess crushes, razes, and leaves me weary.
The market’s poor for remortgaging, I’ve naught left to retail on robust eBay,
In spite of years of education, my circumstances somehow shifted this way.
Accordingly, my dear reader, if you possess an inspired route,
Email it to me quicker than faster so I can facilitate my bailout.
Thwarted none of my fiduciary demons, despite the funds they marked to lend.
Whether consolidating or purely weighing just how big my gap might be,
There were no forthcoming greenback pulchritudes, from them, for now, for little me.
Although I’ve limned the applications of new bank cards of many hues,
Notwithstanding my high credit ratings, I’ve exhausted my long list of "things to do."
Calls to parents, pleas to bosses, even fresh restrictions on the kids’ pocket money,
Yielded no further losses, but, likewise, gleaned no bonus, tendered honey.
Sometimes, I’ve "won" by scoring some antique-like rates redolent of the 1920s.
Other times, my liquid fortune brought me none, gifted me with no endeavors yielding plenty.
Given personal, multiple work shifts plus free-lancing which makes me bleary,
And given that my rift persists, it’s no wonder the entire mess crushes, razes, and leaves me weary.
The market’s poor for remortgaging, I’ve naught left to retail on robust eBay,
In spite of years of education, my circumstances somehow shifted this way.
Accordingly, my dear reader, if you possess an inspired route,
Email it to me quicker than faster so I can facilitate my bailout.
#60 - Untitled
Got all excited about this prize...
my debt will disappear before my eyes...
Gotta admit I do have heart...
a grand is a REALLY good start!
my debt will disappear before my eyes...
Gotta admit I do have heart...
a grand is a REALLY good start!
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