Bad Poetry Contest Submissions - Group 7

Here is the seventh set of entries we've received for our SpendOnLife bad poetry contest. Enjoy!

#61 - A Word to the Wise

Cards of platinum, gold and even blacks
(although for the last my credit sorely lacks)

Long gone are the days when we saved for our wants
Now we have plastic and big debt that haunts

In these times that are hard
Do you think we have learned
Time to cut up the card
The times have surely turned

Return to the old days when cash was the king
And remember to ask
Do I really need this thing?

#62 - Vicious Cycle

BEEP – Card denied, BEEP – Card denied
I’m sorry ma’am, but your Gold Card has lost its color.
Ya know you could always apply for another?
Or, you can consolidate, at a new low introductory interest rate.
You have "fool" written on your forehead, you will surely take the bait.

BEEP – Card denied, BEEP – Card denied
Look honey, we just got a pre-approval in the mail for some new plastic.
Gather up the kids, it’s time to go shopping – isn’t this fantastic!
Macy’s has a deal – use your MasterCard and get 10% off.
I know we don’t play the sport, but there’s a special deal in Golf.
Sir, your card has been declined. 
But, if you will step this way, you can apply for our department store card that will save you 15% today just for applying.
Sweety, this is the deal of the century, I now they aren’t lying! 

BEEP – Card denied, BEEP – Card denied.
Shnookams, we’ve got ourselves into some heat.
These credit cards sure have us beat.
We’ve taken a second mortgage out on the house,
The car is out of gas, and we are scrounging for food like a mouse.
Our cards have all been denied and those "special" rates are now sky-high.
I hope I win this poetry contest, or else I’ll need another credit card for the things we need to buy.

#63 - Bad Debt

I went to work each day to pay my bills and save
I financed my home and auto and saved for a rainy day
I met a financial adviser
who said ,I know a better way
I listened and followed exactly
to what she had to say
Invest and spend others money is the way to go today
So I did as she said,
and was on my way to getting ahead
I refinanced my home and got credit card loans
Zero percent interest was the way for expenses
When I paid on my loans they increased my limit
Till I couldn't avoid the temptation to spend it
Next came the interest
that climbed to the top and then it wouldn't stop
I lost my investments due to the crash
My adviser said don't worry buy more
buy more at this time
More and more I lost until there was none left
Now I'm worst in debt than ever and how I regret
My job closed its doors
Now I can't pay my loans
I'm drowning in debt
with the card sharks on my neck
Thanks to my adviser I can never retire
I need some help with all this debt.

#64 - Woe is Me!

The stock market crashed.
My funds disappeared.
I’m drowning my sorrows
In good German beer.

I wait patiently
For the economy to bounce back
So my finances
Can get back on track.
 
I’m buying generic;
No more brand names,
I’m watching my credit rating
Go down in flames.
 
I pinch pennies,
Meditate and pray
That this financial mess
Will improve someday.

#65 - The Shopping Maven by Edgar Allen Woe

Once upon a daylight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary
How to pay my credit cards on time
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping
That turned into a banging and a chime.
 
Ah, distinctly I remember, it was a bleak December
When I set out upon my shopping jaunt
I figured I would pay tomorrow, for today I would just borrow
And charge all those things that I did want
 
Bills come due, this much is true
And now my money is almost gone
Buying all those things I was cravin’, being quite the shopping maven
Left my tiny bank account overdrawn
 
Now at my door, I must ignore
The summons I am being served
The bank is suing, it’s my own doing
I’m only getting back what I deserved
 
And what is worse, what is my curse
What haunts for 7 years or more?
My wages garnished and guess what’s tarnished
Quoth the maven, "credit score".
 

#66 - Untitled

To save or not to save
That is the conundrum
Why put thy hard earned tokens of labor
into an account accumulating only small dustings of interest
when those same coins can be spent on steamy lattes
temperate time-shares or bawdy phone sex?
 
To charge or not to charge
That is the conundrum
Thousands in debt, high interest,
late and over-limit fees
seem not so important seen through the prism
of deft card swipes and new things on the doorstep.
 
To pay or not to pay
That is the conundrum
Bills piled high, pieces of paper
more easily ignored than butterfly farts
29.99% interest charged on lingering balances
gives the heart only the briefest of palpitations
as I search the 'net for more pay-for-porn.

#67 - Untitled

You never yet met a debt, I bet,
As bad as we let this bad debt get!
 
The cards are all maxed out, they say,
We wish the calls would go away!
 
We see no end to all these calls,
There was too much time spent in malls!
 
We see no relief, we'll end up in jail.....
Hey look, a new pre-approved card in the mail!!!!

#68 - Where for art thou?

Oh what would I do without call display?
To help me keep my debt collector suitor away
Financial freedom, where for art thou?
That man keeps calling and asking for money now
The coffers are empty since my job went away
He keeps on calling and I have nothing to say
I’ll soon have to offer myself and submit to his will
But all he wants is for me to pay off my bill
I scrimp and pinch the few pennies I have
To end this relationship will make me so glad

#69 - Robin Hoodlum

I went to look for Robin Hood
To ask him for advice;
I hoped he’d rob the rich and give
Me cash, if I was nice;
But times are hard and Robin said,
"I’m ‘fraid you’re on your own."
He took my wallet with a smile,
And nicked my mobile phone.

#70 - Ode to my Credit Card

I had once a credit, which turned to two, then three, then four,
They were a jaunty little group and happy at the store,
Because they could buy anything they went ahead and did,
Now they are all over limit and when their bills came I hid.
Because I have the credit card blues,
I was a credit card junkie who had nothing to lose,
Except my credit rating and the Visa balance down,
When I get those bills my face turns to a frown,
Now it's, late pay, every day, penalties galore
No more wild spending at the ladies clothing store,
I'm wearing last years styles, I need a manicure,
But until those credit cards are paid down, I feel like manure!
My credit's in the toilet, the recession took my job,
I have nowhere to turn to now, so I had to stop,
Chargin on my credit cards, they are pretty useless now,
I am thinking about getting a blasting cap and watch them all go POW!
Oh credit card I know thy sting, over overdue,
over limit, late pay, Oh gee,
I wish I'd never gotten in this mess, we all must agree,
I need to win this contest, so I can afford to eat.