Can Contraception Save Capitalism?

"Evolution does not necessarily reward intelligence. With no natural predators to thin the herd, it began to simply reward those who reproduced the most, and left the intelligent to become an endangered species."  -Idiocracy (2006)

The Idiocractic Nation

Watching Idiocracy last night pretty much scared the hell out of me. I know the movie is supposed to be a comedy and all, but imagine how completely isolated you would feel if you were the last person on earth of decent intelligence? If the movie’s premise is true--that the poor and uneducated keep popping out kids like rabbits, while the educated well-to-do may have only one or two, if any at all--then the world would be populated with complete morons by the year 2505. There would be no one to have an intelligent conversation with, no where to turn if you were hurt or needed help, and no one to fix the Carl’s Jr. vending machine when you had the late night munchies. (Watch the movie and you’ll understand.)

Oh yeah, and the economy would be an absolute wasteland.

"I Like Money"

Here’s a math equation for you: Low income + Low IQ = Disastrous credit ratings.

In the Idiocractic future, people won’t be equipped with the knowledge and resources to make smart financial decisions. Basics like budgeting money, saving for the future, taking out sensible loans, and paying back debts will all be out the window. All we’ll know is that we like money because it can buy things like Starbucks hot lattes and Brawndo: The Thirst Mutilator energy drinks.

America’s current average credit score of 680 will steadily drop as these new financial degenerates take the stage. What will our collective credit score be in the year 2505 (assuming, of course, that America as a nation still exists)?

The Financial Future...Sucks

When piss poor credit ratings are the norm, the banks will just stop giving out loans altogether or, perhaps, start scoring us on a curve. Either way, the economy crumbles. If we’re forced to buy goods strictly with cash, things come to a standstill. If lenders keep lending but we don’t pay back the loans, the banks go under. (Sound familiar?)

That’s when capitalism as we know it gives way to complete economic mush. In the Idiocratic nation, there is no organized distribution of goods and services. No one--not the government, not the corporations--is masterminding anything. In effect, there is no system, just a haphazard tossing of cash from one person (or machine) to another. Oh yeah, and we’re completely powerless against consumer marketing. Whatever the advertisements tell us to buy, we’ll buy (no matter how grammatically incorrect the message). 

Sooner Than We Think

But don’t worry, reality TV is still a huge hit in 500 years. It seems that all our moronic descendants need are an episode of "Ow, my Balls," a comfy place to sit, and some Brawndo to drink. Mmmm, Brawndo...

Actually, that scenario is not a far cry from the episode of "Dancing with the Stars," the comfy place to sit, and the pepperoni Hot Pockets that we need today. That’s why this movie scares me so much: I recognize ourselves in it. The devolutionary trend is plenty clear--just look around. Public schools are teaching to the lowest common denominator, the housing market has fallen largely because people took out stupid loans, and parents who can’t afford more kids have them anyway. All of this leads to the complete crumbling of our semi-intelligent society. And, chillingly enough, no one in the Idiocratic nation seems to mind, or even notice.

Mmmm, did someone say Hot Pockets...?